Monthly Archives: August 2012

You’ve got mail…from a bear.

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Photo by Teresa Howes on Pexels.

One of the delights of editing the literature section of LeftLion is the random emails you get. This can be anything from an angry publisher with regards to a review (particularly when Katie Half-Price is concerned) or a novice writer learning their trade. Sometimes it can be from bears. Here’s two of my favourites from this year…

Context: A bear with poetic musings…

Hello, I like to write short stories about bears and I was wondering if you’d like to publish some of them? Here are three by way of example. If you want any more you’ll have to pay me in honey. 1. A small bear was trying to reverse park her car. She got confused and ended up pushing it into a cave for safe keeping 2. Bernie drank too much coffee in the morning and ending climbing too high in his tree. He got scared and Malcolm had to help him down. 3. Brandon was cleaning his windows. The fur on his back was a very effective shammy.

James, I plan to start hibernating for winter in late September so I hope to hear from you before then.

Best.

Mr Bear.

Mr Bear,

I think it would be better if you hibernated for a very long time so that you are able to properly nurture that talent. What exactly is it you want? Other than honey…
James

Hi James,

I’d like you to publish my stores in your paper. Do you not like them?
I thought a peice called “10 short stories about bears” would be a
real page turner for you humans.

I’d appreciate your feedback but warn you that I can get quite angry.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just in my nature.

Best

Mr Bear.

Mr Bear,

You’ve spelled ‘piece’ wrong. I hope that you’re not that sloppy with the rest of your writing. Perhaps it’s those big hairy paws. Send me a story through and I’ll read it, although it would need to be slightly longer than your first drafts.

Best,
James

P.S You’ve spelled stories wrong as well.

Verdict: I suspect that these emails could go on forever so I’ll have to draw a line at some point. But at the moment he has my interest. The key now is to actually deliver something before I lose my patience or don’t have time to indulge him. But, I like to be pestered by oddballs every now and then. (That isn’t an invitation – see email number two)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………
Context: Self-published poet asked me to buy his book from Amazon to review it. I explained the etiquette of submitting reviews.

Hi James,
I can’t help but think you’re a bit of a cock for that email. Your attempts to sound seasoned and mature only make you sound like a rotting sequela of youth. You work for Left Lion, maybe keep that in mind the next time you attempt to climb to shit.
Poet

Hi Poet,

I took the time to respond to your email when 99% of people would simply have deleted it due to high workloads. I also offered you some good practical honest advice when I didn’t have to. If you decide to insult an editor on a magazine again (thereby guaranteeing you will never be published in it, even one as ‘insignificant’ as Leftlion), at least take the time to ensure that your insult is either witty or logical. I’m not entirely sure what ‘climb to shit’ means but I shall certainly bear it in mind next time I’m confronted by a very high step leading to a toilet.

Regards,
J

Verdict: I find a lot of self-published writers find it difficult to take criticism or advice. Best to end this correspondence quickly as it just becomes a slagging match which doesn’t really help anyone

Twitter as an archive for reading?

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

When reviewing a book I always have a pen and paper at hand to scribble down important quotes or page references. These are then typed up and filed away for future reference on my hard drive. This means I have a massive archive of everything I’ve read that I can dip into at any point. Now this process has had a digital makeover courtesy of Twitter and I’ve set myself the task of tweeting every book ever written by Alan Sillitoe. It’s completely changed the reading process and made me think about literature in a completely different light.

When I first started tweeting I was interested in how regularly I was posting quotes. I could feel the pace of the narrative by seeing where large chunks of text appeared together. Similarly, some stories warranted a lot more tweets than others which may serve as a criticism of the narrative. Perhaps this is the natural progression of the literary review in the digital age, something Will Self is examining on The Space in Kafka’s Wound. As a lover of maps, Sillitoe may have appreciated these extra topographical details.

My Twitter account feeds into Facebook but I’ve now removed this because I think it’s unfair to inflict such a stream of consciousness on people. The medium is the message and so Facebook renders the experiment indulgent. Twitter on the other hand is perfect for these continuous bouts of expression. Now I’m using Hootesuite to schedule tweets to create greater anticipation of what comes next in the story and so that I can maintain a constant stream of Sillitoe’s work.

I’m hoping that people will try and guess the book or engage in the conversation by recommending their own quotes. Even if they don’t you still gain feedback through who retweets what and how many people follow or leave you. Since using Hootesuite I now have 75 followers, up by 5. This would suggest that drip feeding information is more favourable although this might simply be because it creates higher visibility.

But the real beauty of Twitter is using it as an archiving system. Scrolling back through stories you quickly gain a sense of recurring themes, characters or descriptions. Patterns are the lifeblood of journalism. This in turn makes you a curator which brings with it responsibilities. For example, punchy quotes may work best but if you don’t include basic details, how will readers be able to follow the story? Should politically incorrect descriptions be included that could potentially cause offence to a modern audience? And is it right to merge quotes together to make the tweet more effective or should you remain completely true to the book? Such ethical considerations are the very essence of our project Sillitoe: Then and Now on The Space. Come and have a natter.

Arthur Seaton@TheSpaceLathe