You’ve got mail…from a bear.

Photo by Teresa Howes on Pexels.

One of the delights of editing the literature section of LeftLion is the random emails you get. This can be anything from an angry publisher with regards to a review (particularly when Katie Half-Price is concerned) or a novice writer learning their trade. Sometimes it can be from bears. Here’s two of my favourites from this year…

Context: A bear with poetic musings…

Hello, I like to write short stories about bears and I was wondering if you’d like to publish some of them? Here are three by way of example. If you want any more you’ll have to pay me in honey. 1. A small bear was trying to reverse park her car. She got confused and ended up pushing it into a cave for safe keeping 2. Bernie drank too much coffee in the morning and ending climbing too high in his tree. He got scared and Malcolm had to help him down. 3. Brandon was cleaning his windows. The fur on his back was a very effective shammy.

James, I plan to start hibernating for winter in late September so I hope to hear from you before then.

Best.

Mr Bear.

Mr Bear,

I think it would be better if you hibernated for a very long time so that you are able to properly nurture that talent. What exactly is it you want? Other than honey…
James

Hi James,

I’d like you to publish my stores in your paper. Do you not like them?
I thought a peice called “10 short stories about bears” would be a
real page turner for you humans.

I’d appreciate your feedback but warn you that I can get quite angry.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just in my nature.

Best

Mr Bear.

Mr Bear,

You’ve spelled ‘piece’ wrong. I hope that you’re not that sloppy with the rest of your writing. Perhaps it’s those big hairy paws. Send me a story through and I’ll read it, although it would need to be slightly longer than your first drafts.

Best,
James

P.S You’ve spelled stories wrong as well.

Verdict: I suspect that these emails could go on forever so I’ll have to draw a line at some point. But at the moment he has my interest. The key now is to actually deliver something before I lose my patience or don’t have time to indulge him. But, I like to be pestered by oddballs every now and then. (That isn’t an invitation – see email number two)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………
Context: Self-published poet asked me to buy his book from Amazon to review it. I explained the etiquette of submitting reviews.

Hi James,
I can’t help but think you’re a bit of a cock for that email. Your attempts to sound seasoned and mature only make you sound like a rotting sequela of youth. You work for Left Lion, maybe keep that in mind the next time you attempt to climb to shit.
Poet

Hi Poet,

I took the time to respond to your email when 99% of people would simply have deleted it due to high workloads. I also offered you some good practical honest advice when I didn’t have to. If you decide to insult an editor on a magazine again (thereby guaranteeing you will never be published in it, even one as ‘insignificant’ as Leftlion), at least take the time to ensure that your insult is either witty or logical. I’m not entirely sure what ‘climb to shit’ means but I shall certainly bear it in mind next time I’m confronted by a very high step leading to a toilet.

Regards,
J

Verdict: I find a lot of self-published writers find it difficult to take criticism or advice. Best to end this correspondence quickly as it just becomes a slagging match which doesn’t really help anyone

LeftLion 48

LeftLion 48 officially declared summer open with the August/September Issue. Predictably we gave the Olympics a fair bit of coverage but with a Notts make-over. I chipped in with an interview with Mike Breckon who was the team manager of the Canadian cycling team at the ’72 Olympics when 11 members of the Israeli team were murdered by the Palestinian group Black September. Paul Fillingham (Think Amigo) knew Mike through his work with the National Byways and arranged the interview at Mike’s home. It was great to see all of his cycling mementoes and to learn he’d been involved with the Reg Harris statue campaign which is now at Manchester Velodrome. He told us his favourite Sillitoe book was Down From The Hill (an eighty mile cycle journey to find the elusive Alice Sands) and how his generation thought nothing of such journeys for love.

Mike said he’d never spoken about the tragedy before which I found remarkable given that it is the fortieth anniversary of Munich. He was, as he described it, ‘right in the eye of the storm’ as his accommodation was directly opposite the Israeli team. The press in Canada were hard on him for letting his team cycle in the backyard as things went on but as he explained, when you’re cooped up for 14 hours and with no real awareness at that time of what terrorism was, what was he meant to do? I suspect that they craved normality and the fact that they were outside at all just shows you how much times and attitudes have changed.

It was a tough interview that required sensitivity. I wasn’t going to push anything that would cause him distress, but he spoke openly and I suspect it was cathartic to confront what had been buried for so long. On occasion he welled up and had to catch his breath. Other times I watched his arm blister open with goose bumps as he recounted the ceremony held at the stadium the next day. He was overwhelmed at witnessing a German philharmonic orchestra playing tribute to dead Israeli’s in Berlin, so soon after the end of WWII.

Mike is currently writing an autobiography of his life through cycling and this episode will be chapter three. I have agreed to help him and so a bonus of this interview was a new friendship with an incredibly interesting and charismatic man. The only downside is that Paul Fillingham wasn’t credited as joint interviewee, as he should have been, and I would have preferred to have seen Mike inside the Berlin Olympic design rather than apart from it.

We covered six book reviews in the WriteLion section (S.C Maxfield, David Belbin, Megan Taylor, Peter Mortimer, Ian Strathcarron and Tim Cockburn) with a great balance across genres. Katie Half-Price, our ‘orangest book reviewer’ had a play with Jon McGregor, Robert and Edward Skidelsky and Dylan Jones. I recently asked Jon to be the patron of the Nottingham Writers’ Studio so I hope he takes the review in the good spirit in which it was written.

Photo by LeftLion.

What should have been the crowning glory turned out to be a big disappointment. We ran a two page feature on Raleigh which included snippets from the testimonies I’m using on The Space but the reference to The Space was left out which was a waste of good publicity. Worst still, there was no context to the testimonies. None of the facts I provided about Raleigh were included nor the reason we were doing the piece – it is the 125th anniversary of the cycle manufacturer! Consequently the piece felt like a sensationalised tabloid piece that had selected all of the gory details and missed out the facts. On The Space I have balanced these testimonies out by speaking to management and explaining why the factory eventually closed down. This is missing from the LeftLion piece because I wasn’t sent the proofs and because I didn’t write the introduction. At our next editorial meeting we will have to find a way of ensuring this never happens again as mistakes like this could seriously damage my reputation as well as that of the magazine.The only positive was the cracking sell text: Really, with an illustration of the Raleigh heron in a cap smoking a fag.

Interview with Mike Breckon